Sobz... ability... or curse...

I wish I did not have this strange ability... Now I realize how mutants feel...
My ability to read a person's emotion like a story book, what that person is thinking, if the person is connected to reality...
It is frightening.... to me.. and my frenz.... I guess who would like a person who could probe into their feelings as though it was glass box?

Haiz.... Depression setting in... I'm now eating this strange white pill to supress my emotions... Why do I like my class so much?... Its because... their feelings are rarely fake.. unlike many others from the other classes...

But.. back to my strange ability.... Its causing me my friendship... Its causing me my sanity... and.... its breaking my heart too....
Redicule, laughter, mockery.... why do I see it so often... and... why do people's eyes show distaste at the people that they are so close to?....
My eyes see through people... thats why my parents are so afraid of me looking into their eyes directly... thats why I got the place as chairperson... and... thats why exs break up with me....

Sobz.... I cant help telling people that I know what they are thinking... and I guess it scares them as much as it scares me.... I get so happy when a person beams at me from his or her heart... but... when a person tries to supress his or her emotions because he does not want to hurt me... I just feel lonelier then ever before...

The chinese have a saying "The eyes are the windows to a person's heart"... and... i guess its true in my case... as i have to look directly into the person's eyes to feel their emotions...

Yes... i admit... I do like Timothy.... but I am trying... very very very hard to change it into brotherhood....... because I know he will never condone to my actions... Its so hard to face the world... and yet... I dont want to lose it....

My heart reels in pain over and over again... as I look into people's minds.... people tell me that the world is a beautiful place...
I try to believe it.... but sometimes... the evidence is not there....

I look through the world through the eyes of a person who has experianced every emotion that there is to experiance... Who have spat at the face of fate... and stepped on the thread of life over and over again.. barely breaking it...
Look through my eyes... who is able to withstand my conflux of emotions and memories that corses through my body....

If you're reading this blog timothy.... I promise I will try my best to treat you like a brother from now on... the problem is... i dunno how to treat a person like my brother...
I guess I shouldnt have told you certain things that you did not like to hear....

Pain.... my heart aches as I try to tear away emotions that cling to it... it is so pain.... sobz....

My DTP cover 

Timothy~! He looks unbelievably aristocratic in this picture....  

A friend... in need... is a friend indeed?...

The 3 major presentations are over... ICP, FoM and OC....

Really spent alot of time doing these projects... sigh... hope my effort will be worth it...

I really got closer with my group during these times when we were doing our projects..... Especially to Timothy who... really carried me through...

I guess I sometimes go a bit overboard sometimes... I never had a really really close friend before... and... sometimes I just get on his nerves... I can tell.. I'm so sorry...
I just feel that... I'm crushing him to much.... squeezing him until he cannot breathe at times...
He is just too nice...

Sometimes I can tell that he is really angry an frustrated with me... but he refuses to say... and.. that makes me really sad at sometimes.... I wish I could control my emotions better...

I know I'm not worth to be his friend... I'm just too useless to be his friend... I'm just happy that he treats me as his friend... I wish.. that I could be good enough sometimes...
He's... smart, nice, good looking, has alot of friends, happy family, close to God... He's everything that I wanted to be, and everything I hoped I could be... In short, he is the perfect example of somebody I wanted to be...

Haiz... and... he wants to change group... I polarize alot... but... he really impacted my life alot... I really dont want to let him go....
Sobz... I really would do almost anything to keep him as my best friend... but I cant restrain him...
I treat him closer then a brother, more then a counsellor...
and somehow.. nowadays I feel that he is starting to dislike me......

No matter what migh happen in the future... I will always try my best to treat him like a best friend should...
Timothy....

haiz......

Friends, forever...

Packing up the dreams God planted

In the fertile soil of you

I can't believe the hopes He's granted

Means a chapter in your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

'Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long, to live as friends

And with the faith and love God's given

Springing from the hope we know

We will pray the joy you live in I

s the strength that now you show

But we'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

'Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong, yeah yeah

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long to, live as friends

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

To live as friends, though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

No, a lifetime's not too long ,

to live as friends

Words and Music by M.W. Smith

How much you mean.. to me...

It's been a long and winding journey

But I'm finally here tonight

Picking up the pieces

Walking back into the light

To the sunset of your glory

Where my heart and future lies

There's nothing like that feeling

When I look into your eyes

My dreams came true

When I found you I found you

My miracle

If you could see what I see

You're the answer to my prayers

And if you can feel T

he tenderness I feel You would know

It would be clear

That angels brought me here
Standing here before you

Feels like I've been born again

Every breath is your love

Every heartbeat speaks your name
My dreams came true

Right here in front of you

My miracle

If you could see what I see

You're the answer to my prayers

If you could feel The tenderness I feel

You would know It would be clear

That angels brought me here

Brought me here to be with you

I'll be forever grateful (Oh forever grateful)

My dreams came true

When I found you

My miracle

If you could see what I see

You're the answer to my prayers

And if you could feel

The tenderness I feel

You would know

It would be clear

That angels brought me here (x 2)

I finally found a picture that I liked that look like a normal kid and has my style! hahazz... =D